All I Really Need to Know, I Forgot

It's been said that all one really needs to know, they learn in kindergarten. If this is the case, I am officially out of luck. Kindergarten was more than 20 years ago. I barely remember what I did this morning or last week. Kindergarten isn't even on the map.

I do believe, however, that I have learned a lot of important things from a lifetime of playing video games. Therefore, I present "All I Really Need to Know, I Learned From Video Games"

• When escaping from law enforcement, just make a sharp turn around a corner and then sit on a bench or hide behind a curtain. Such hiding places are impervious to their search methods. Changing your clothes is also an acceptable option.
• If someone has not locked the door to their house, it is completely appropriate to enter without permission. In fact, it is quite likely they will provide you with valuable information and possibly let you take money from their drawers, night stands, or other furniture.
• If you get shot, or are otherwise severely injured, hide behind the nearest cover for a few seconds and you will quickly recover. Note: Getting shot in the head is an exception. This is generally fatal.
• Domestic terrorist organizations are not only well funded, well equipped, and have ridiculously large enrollment numbers but they carry this all out without anyone knowing.
• If you have committed a crime and law enforcement officials are investigating, looking pious will remove you from the suspect list (despite the fact that you are obviously armed to the teeth.
• Money can often be found in grass, bushes, pottery and in the possession of animals and other creatures that have no business carrying money.
• Although it may not contribute to your goals in life, you will always be encouraged to collect surprisingly well hidden objects. Note: Occasionally you will be rewarded for collecting the aforementioned objects. The choice to search for these object should be made on a case by case basis.
• When one is assaulted by multiple individuals, remember that although they could easily overpower you they will encircle you and only attack one at a time while the others dance and taunt you. Note: This is a great opportunity to take pot shots at the dancing onlookers.
• If a driver has attained sufficient speed, it is feasible to knock other cars out of the way without incurring damage to your vehicle.
• Many vehicles are available with weaponry. Use of these weapons is completely acceptable in day to day driving.
• Hacking computers, security devices, and other electronics usually involves some sort of game like pipe dream, labyrinth, early 1990s board/computer game.
• Nuclear weapons are poorly guarded and readily available to those seeking them.
• The bad guy is generally a friend, co-worker, or mentor.
• All aliens are out to kill us.
• Space travel will almost always lead to a disaster. If you survive this disaster, you will more than likely be required to save civilization from the aforementioned aliens.
• If you are the hero, you will generally be required to save civilization single handedly.
• If in your adventures you have a co-worker available by radio, this co-worker will be a woman.

That's all I can think of. I'll keep you posted if I think of others.