The Dark Side of the Moon, or the Agony of the Innocent Bystander

While enjoying the view of the parking lot from my desk at work, I was interrupted by a man who will henceforth be referred to as Bubba, which is the best red neck name I can think of at the moment. Jim Bob may also be appropriate. If neither of these work for you, feel free to substitute a name of your choosing. Please keep in mind the following description:

Bubba appears to be the pinnacle of the red neck species. Trucker hat, mullet, scruffy facial hair, worn and dirty clothes and a cigarette hanging from his lip. I understand that this description may not convey the severity of the mind scar I received from the experience I am about to share.

While enjoying the view, a car pulled up and parked outside my window. Movement that close to the window always catches my attention, but it was the people in the car that kept me from looking away. The man, Bubba, has been described above. The woman is Bubba's perfect red neck counterpart. It's a frightening pairing that could result in the downfall of the species.

Upon exiting the car, the woman walks over to another parked car and is now out of view. Bubba on the other hand is almost directly out my window. Either he doesn't see me watching, or he doesn't care. Bubba obviously knows someone on the second floor and is waving, pointing and laughing.

At this point, Bubba turns toward his car and it appears that he is looking into the back seat. He starts untucking his shirt which struck me as odd. The clothes contribute significantly to his red neck appearance, but untucking the shirt just makes him look trashy. After untucking his shirt, Bubba moves with speed that I never thought humanly possible and pulls his pants down and moons his friend on the second floor. At this point I looked away, but the damage was already done.

Although I saw more of Bubba's face than his butt, have greater recollection of the latter. Imagine, if you feel that you can, a butt that would be in the possession of the man described above. This is what I had the joy of seeing first hand. Needless to say, "pasty" is not a strong enough adjective to describe the butt. Unfortunately I'm not familiar with a stronger one.

If Bubba was really that dedicated to showing his butt to strangers, why couldn't he post a picture/video of it on MySpace or FaceBook (or whatever social networking red necks use) like everyone else. At least that would spare the by standing office workers.